your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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