I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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