NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
