I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
