i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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