I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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