You made me cry and you don't even care
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
