So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
