thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
