We won't sleep together?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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