he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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