OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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