Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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