My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
