you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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