We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
