when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
