It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize