So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
