if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
