Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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