Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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