i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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