You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
