dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
