We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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