I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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