I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
