There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
