I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
