I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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