My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize