the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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