Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
