I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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