its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
