i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
