Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
