Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize