..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I forget how to act sober
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
