Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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