I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
