im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
