his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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