The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
