He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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