is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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