So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
