pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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