I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize