According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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