Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
