it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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