A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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