You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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