Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
