That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
