It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
