come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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